Grey Matter

Sriperumbudur is now Thiruperumbudur.But our politicians are missing the bigger picture.Every place name in chennai has a story behind it.They might want to change almost every place name if they know about these stories.

Take for example a seemingly tamil name such as kodambakkam- it is actually Goddamn Beckhem.
Now dont ask such a silly question like how did they name kodambakkam even before beckham was born,haven’t you heard of Nostradmus.He predicted everything thats possible including finding the value of infinity.Early chennaites deciphered some of his predictions to name their place names.They were so intelligent that they played around with words to create names. The royal beings of contemporary royapettah named their place as “Royal! Bet Ah?”
Note here “bet ah” is a gutsy term asking is there anybody to protest their claims.

The ever skeptical citizens of Alwarpet said “All war bet?” They thought people would go at war to show who is more royal.

There were few who doubted the claim to royalness by asking “Royala aprom..” That became Royapuram.

But the beings in current saidapet supported royapettah’s claim by asking “Sari da bet ah?”

Then there is this whole place named after tamil brahmins. Tam Brahm is a colloquial term for refering to Tamil Brahmins. Tam Brahm is the present day Tambaram. The anti- brahministic movement leaders certainly missed out to notice this.

A dumb beckham is Adambakkam
Patni Beckham is Pattinapakkam

Like this so many beckham bashing places are there in chennai.But why beckham? What has chennai got against beckham? Well, thats the Victoria’s secret.

BCCI has released the IPL media guidelines,which prohibits implicitly bloggers from covering the event.

The tone of the guide line is “hey you websites what worth are you of.You aren’t worth the millions that other media like television generate for us.So better stay away from us”

While the mainstream media have planned a black out of IPL.The underground secret community of bloggers (USCB) has planned a colour out of the event.Wonder what color out is? go outside your apartment and see clothes of various colours hanging in balconies.Yes thats colour out.Colour clothes on the outside.Colour out.

Yes BCCI.Pat yourself on the back.You have credit for yet another first.For helping USCB frame the term colour out.

When media persons asked what is this “colour out” to USCB permanent resident president Blog Bla Bla,(his actual name was Bala but since he writes Bla Bla in his blog he has rechristened himself as Blog Bla Bla)

he said “It can mean many things to many people. We bloggers love freedom.If i say do this or do that, to protest, then the other guys will write posts opposing it.Remember Hawkeye and Gaurav Sabnis fighting each other.”

So what does one do if one is doing a colour out.”That is your wish.But just make it a little bit colourful”

People have started speculating what would be done.They are having a big fight on NDTV on what the bloggers can do.CNN-IBN is having the same topic but just the name of the programme is Face the Nation.

Other channels not to be left behind are having polls like what colour can bloggers choose to display their protest.

When a reporter of a famous television asked this question to somebody in Mumbai the guy replied “Hey you Bihari.You are every where.Sala @&^#*&@^” The guy apparently bet the reporter up and asked to him to tell the people the color of his blood.Thats what he suggests RED.

Another reporter has this peculiar story:

Reporter: “Hi.Do you know that the bloggers have pronounced a colour out of IPL”

Person 1 and Person 2: “Yes”

Reporter: “SO what color do you suggest them to use”

Person 1 and Person 2: “Pink”.

Reporter: “Pink.Wha what a beautiful suggestion.And by the way what is your respective names.”

Person 1: I am Ram and he is Lakshman.

Reporter: “Wha here is Ram and Lakshman the brothers from Delhi who are suggesting Pink”

Person 1 and Person 2: “Brothers! Are sala !$&@#^$&^”

This reporter was also beaten up.He should have guessed it when they suggested pink that they are gay and happy.

Now what has happened to all Indians they have started beating up everyone. There are exceptions though.

When Rahul Dravid play and miss a ball.One commentator says “he is beaten by beauty of a ball”.The Indian is actually beaten here.Don’t ask me whether the two reporters who were beaten up aren’t Indians.I am not sure.Mumbai calls some people Biharis. Chennai calls some people Goltis.And there are many other types like mallus,panjus,gujjus, and legendary madarasis.Never know what these people are.Pseudo Indians- probably.No we are not racist.We are just ’state’ist.

The other commentator says “No it is actually, Well left.What a batting.Rahul Dravid the wall as they say” They both started having a argument and start beating each other!

The reporters have decided not to ask any more of these colour questions to the public.But rather ask politicians.But oh! Govinda is a politician and he slapped a reporter and they showed it all day in their channel.So they decided to ask politicians who are old enough not to beat them.

Karunanidhi is reported to have suggested Yellow..When the reported asked him why is that he is superstitious about yellow.His reply was “I am an atheist.I will remain one for the support of the millions of tamilians across the world even if you break my spine.” The reporter escaped without saying he is a Karnataka origin.

The other famous patrons of Yellow such as Ramarajan have also joined the bandwagon of people suggesting yellow.Do to the strong alliance yellow is getting Karunandhi has written a letter to Prime minister of India asking him to make a law that yellow should be the colour used by ValaiPathivalargal(Bloggers in tamil) or in exchange give a cabinet seat for his great grand child’s second cousin. The prime minister has said the party high command (implicitly madame) will take a decision on this.That is allocation of cabinet post for great grand child’s second cousin of Karunanidhi.Since the former is a hard decision.The left parties may come out of the blue and protest that Blue should be the color.

Interestingly Aamir Khan who pokes his nose into every controversy and a blogger is not saying anything on the issue.

So whatever the colour is.Whatever they do with that colour.Bloggers are colouring out IPL.

PS:All names and characters featured in this are fictional unless they are linked.No offense intended towards anybody.And I know this seems like a rip off of Cyrus Broacha script.

1.Watch a movie and write its review.

2. Read all newspapers,watch all news channels and write a commentary on the current affairs by mixing all that you read and watched.

3.Read blogs, find nice posts,quote them and link to them like “Xyz has a nice post about bla bla bla”

4.Don’t post anything at all.[This is what most people do.]

and finally

5.write vetti posts like this [Recursion, muhaha]

I was at the post office to apply for my passport.The official incharge of the collecting the application checked my application and asked me my full name.I said it is Subramanian R.He said no intial allowed, so ok only Subramanian.In tamil nadu generally people don’t have more than a single name.He asked me to write my father’s name in the surname column.But the column said to fill in surname(if any).So i asked him given that there is no surname in my certificates why should i give false information.He said it is customary to give father’s name when there is no surname.I was wondering whether should i give it or not.After a little bit of argument i was left with no option but to fill the father’s name in the surname column since he said he can’t accept application without filling that.

Now this leaves me with the question why cant people be known by a single name.Why is this customary two name rule implied on everybody.Atleast its not the same number of words in the names of people all over india or the world.people have very big names in the neighbouring Andhra Pradesh which are often reduced to a series of intials and a single name.For eg:VVS Laxman.The VVS in his name would expand to something really big.Some people attach their caste names as their surnames.For example:Venkatachala Mudaliar ,Sundaram Iyengar etc,The western world has this three words per name custom.i.e each has a first name,middle name and a last name.People featured in the history books seems to have a scarcity in names that they were named in same name plus a number format.For eg:Louis I,Louis II,Louis III,Louis IV.Etc., Some people carry their father legacy by keeping their father’s name itself for themselves.For eg:Son of George Bush is again George Bush.Not to confuse people, some attach jr,sr to indicate whether they are the father or the son.For eg:Hank Williams Sr,Hank Williams Jr.And as if all this rules are not enough our film stars and politicians rechirsten themselves to attach titles like “illaya thalapathi”,”ultimate star”,”puratchi kalagnan” etc., The word puratchi is featured more in these titles,which means revolution.Even though there could be nothing revolutionary about them they would still want to be known like puratchi ‘this’ and puratchi ‘that’.Writers have pen names.Others have nick names.To clear all these naming issues the latest idea mobile ad is suggesting a unique id for each person.That is his mobile number.Though remembering everyone by their number is extremely difficult,humans might evolve to remember people by this Unique id in future.Who knows. But i like the idea of one single name per person

I am Cloned! – proclaimed Arafath’s orkut profile.I am out in the streets.Is this Arafath,Yes it is….“Hey Arafath! How come you are here?” Arafath is riding on a sidecar(attached seat in Scooter,similar to the one Veeru rides on in Sholay) that is attached to a Car.Arafath sees me and gives a wry smile which was arrogant enough for me to stop calling him.His vehicle doesn’t even stop.I keep yelling at him.My hand is inside a cave.Something is dragging me inside and it is aching and becoming numb simultaneously.A TV flickers on.Arafath comes back.He is trying to explain me that..it was his clone which i saw.He was driving the car and didn’t even notice me.He goes on to explain how cool it is to have a clone.The clone does all the menial work while he can enjoy doing things thats interesting to him.The clone is like a personal servant to him, but to the others it is Arafath himself.The instructor in the Television starts explaining that the NaH is the final thing to be added to the solution.I add the same in the jar which is in front of me.He says “Now when you drink this you will become a composite” He drinks the solution and extinguishes to become ashes(Composite in his words).The TV flickers and switches off.

Between the green valleys
there was a narrow alley
Where we walked without ambition

To the land of the miracles.
Weary of desire and guiltiness
following the footsteps that wasn’t there

Wispy, watercolour-esque clouds
straying on the orange coloured sky
Flew over our head

The time froze by-Standing still before us.
For us to plunge into the wilderness.

And here we are,with high hopes
in the new world full of hypes.

Breath taking images fill our memory
Until it overflows the brain’s boundary

Being lost in the middle of the new world
We cringe for the forces that is unseen

Force rises,Peptises
Our union has caused that.

Looking back someday we would feel
The old world was much better.