Grey Matter

Long time readers of this blog would have known about the Mr. V and his unending adventures. Here goes his latest adventure :

Mr. V comes in Train. The compartment he was in, was pretty empty.

The train stops in St.Thomas Mount station. And our hero hears a lot of commotion in the station. He sees a crowd in the previous compartment. As any Indian would do,he goes to check out what the commotion is about.
Just then A RPF police man calls Mr.V.
Mr.V being the helpful person that he is goes out to help the police man.

The police man takes him to the police station. And thats when Mr.V gets suspicious. He asks the police man what does he want.

The police suddenly alleges,to the shock of Mr.V,that he was traveling in the ladies compartment.

Mr.V has never in his life traveled ladies compartment. He has a strict NO GIRLS policy.

But then the police wouldn’t believe when Mr.V says that he was just watching what the crowd was doing.

Mr. V tries to defend himself with the Sub Inspector. But he was even more ferocious. That he threw something on his hand away.

They filed a chargesheet and asked him to come to the court at 2 pm. And as security they took his mobile phone. Thats a rare mobile phone. Which could only be bought at Burma Bazaar.

Mr.V promptly went to the Egmore magistrate at 2 pm. But his case was taken only at 4 pm.

The police man accompanying him asked whether he was caught travelling for ticketless travel? or pick pocket.

Mr.V explained his sad story to him. But the police suggested him better not to tell this to the magistrate and get the case prolonged. Rather accept the crime and pay the fine today itself. That way he would save the pain of coming to the court again.

Mr.V thought that was a good suggestion from this friendly police man. This guy was like God when compared to the two police men at the station.

Mr. V was standing in the accused ring. As they show in movies. The magistrate asked him does he understand tamil. 

He nodded. Then they read out a paragraph in tamil of which Mr.V understood only the mention of  ”Ladies compartment”.

They all were looking at Mr.V now. All eyes on Mr.V. He could now take a rifle from the police man and shoot at the magistrate. And go on with a full dialogue how the society incriminated an innocent like him. Something like parasakthi dialogue. But Mr.V chose to Nod. He pleaded guilty of the offence they just read out.

He was asked to pay the fine of Rs:400 out side the room.

And thus the moral of the story is never go for a “gumbaloda govinda” you may lose 400 bucks of yours.

Acknowledgements:

1.The ever so adventurous and generous Mr.V for having these experiences and letting me write about them.

2.The people who ever caused the commotion.

3. The Indian Police and Judiciary System.

The scientists of Cern are bombarding a proton to another. News says they are trying to recreate the Big-bang. How much of science do i know about this? Not much. But still lets try an make a Sci-Fi plot with this.

Supply just enough carbon hydrogen and oxygen for the organisms to develop. If not some other, life system to develop.

Accelerated Organism Evolution Program(AOEP): Where the natural process by which we evolved is emulated albeit in a rapid time so that the unnecessary processes are trimmed down.

AOEP aims at creating new species of animals.

The general sci fi plots are the newerlife system is fighting for whatever reason with human beings on earth.

Lets not do this.

What if the creatures have more senses than us. May be say 8 senses. We will never know what the other two senses are. They need not infact have the same six senses as ours.

They would exist in a world with bigger concerns than us.

And we would be working/living without even knowing their concerns. Just like how ant’s wouldn’t know anything about inflation,which is a big concern for 6 sense beings like us.

What if ‘the survival of the fittest’ Darwin principle doesnt hold good for this new life system. What if they dont require food to live. Like the stars they start with huge stored energy. Emit their energy continously and die as a dwarf.

We would trying to make friends with the new system to harness their stored energy. But would we? After all we are not harnessing the solar power to the fullest extent.

This isnt going anywhere. One more dropped story plot

Shiva is still sitting in the pathway between chetpet station and the over bridge. Smoke all over around him.He has smoked continously for more than 30 min now.The yellow light emanating from the neon street lights in the bridge above, combined with the smoke around him gives an errie look.The pathway is inbetween the railway tracks and the overbridge but is full of trees.It almost would qualify as a mini forest.The place doesn’t seem to be part of the city. Like a metaphor for what he feels right now.

This is the last train leaving towards chrompet.If he misses this, he would have to wait for another 4 hours before the next day service starts.

He climbs an empty railway car.The train starts.He stands at the door front,watching a crematorium in the distance.Then he looks down at the subway that comes next.He gets a sudden realization that he is on the edge of the door.Even a gentle push from somebody from the back would make is way to the crematorium he just saw or atleast break his limbs for sure.

He gets in the coach.Now he finds that the coach is not completely empty and a man is sitting over at the far end.He is watching him.He feels that middle aged man must have been watching him all this while. The man waves at him asking him to sit beside him.

Now this is not what he wanted.Some middle aged man trying to strike up conversation for the entire journey. He is so fed up with all this. He sits in the front in opposite direction of the man. The man now comes and sits beside him. Anyother day he would have scolded the man with a F* word.

The middle aged man extends a hand. “I am Nahar .What is your good name?”

Shiva doesn’t respond to this. Nahar doesn’t seem perturbed by this.He goes on. “You seem to be in a bad mood.What is that you are worried about?”

Shiva gets angry.He has to stop this immediately else this guy would go on speaking.He starts yelling at him.”I dont want to talk to you ^%@#. All you guys pretend.Dont try to be this nice guy to me.I hate you all.Now would you please shut up “

Nahar doesn’t get angry at all. He goes on “Good. I was hating everybody like this.They all seem losers don’t they ?”

“Yeah.They all. There was this class mate of mine.We were in a narrow street.Walking towards each other.I give her a smile of recognization,all she does is quickly look down trying to avoid getting the eyes meet up again.”

Now having said that.Shiva wonders what made him respond this man.He was hating him just few seconds back.But something in his eyes tell that he is genuinely interested in hearing his story.

Nahar smiles.”May be she had a big brother who doesn’t like her talking to guys.”

“Well i dont know that.But what I did was, i played by her game. Passing by her acting as if i didn’t see her.And after few steps thought why don’t we have more fun and went back stood right before her and said a ‘Hi’.She was caught unaware. All that she could speak was that,how come i was here, as if she hasn’t seen me a few minutes back.Pretention i say. What makes these people pretend? i hate seeing pretenders”

“You hate people.People love to hate others. You can see in old movies heroes used to be this communist guys who hated the capitalist guys, who are always shown as evil guys.But then when the same hero becomes a millionaire in just a span of one song.No questions asked.”

“Ha ha.Exactly.When you do it,its fine but when it is the other way round it is wrong.”

“There is a theory that the hatred towards others is just a culmination of your own insecurites and fears.”

“Well i dont believe this theory .What about the people you hate simply,like auto men.”

“Good point there.This auto men is a good case study. People hate auto men because they are unruly and are drunkards. But when they find out their own son being a drunkard they blame it on his friendship. They go like ‘my son he was a good boy. He friends cirlce spoiled him.’ When their son drinks its a societal problem but when the automan drinks it is his problem. Because he is auto man, you know.”

“And in Delhi begging has been criminalised. See even the government hates beggars now.They dont speak of rehabilitation,they speak like ‘you beg so you are a criminal’”

“Now that you understand it is nothing to do with you.It is just the human nature.Tell me what make you happy?”

“Well i really cant answer this exactly.”

“Ok tell me this. people,material,your ego satisfaction. does all this cover all the things that makes you happy?”

“Well i think it does.I am not sure”

“Ok.Let me explain. There are some people, who when you talk to, makes you happy. For example talking to kids,your mother,spouse,friends etc., isn’t it? then there are this materialistic pleasures which could be something as small as eating a chocolate,drinking a hot tea on a cold night and as big as buying a jet plane. And finally your ego satisfaction such as helping out somebody,solving something that was termed impossible,becoming famous and all that”

“Wow.Yes it covers everything that makes a man happy.”

“Now let me burst each of those causes. First up the materialistic pleasures.If i give you a million dollar and tell you that you cannot exchange it for goods does that bring any happiness to you?”

“Of course not.”

“Humans – we desire things,we feel as if the thing is all important for the rest of your life.But once you get it and the excitement fades,life is the same as it was before.Think how you wanted each of those toys when you were younger. But then life was the same after a week with the toy.”

“Yes.I could add on.Thinking about eating chocloates is more happier moment than the one after you ate.”

“Good.People make you want things.They sell it to you.Get your money and what they do with that money they go and buy things that others made them want to.I sell plasma TV to you.And go buy a jet airplane.”

“Interesting,So you mean to say that people should be void of materialistic desires?”

“No.Don’t jump to conclusions so early.Let me take you along with me till the end.Then you decide what is best for you”

“Okay”

“Now that the main thing is bursted the rest of the two can be easily bursted.I mean people though they seem to give happiness, It is just your thoughts. Same goes for the ego satisfaction. It is your thoughts that make you feel happy or sad. “

“I am not fully getting this thoughts thing.”

“Let me explain. Think of you as a tubelight. Well, pun not intended. You radiate light.And when dust covers you,you become less radiant. The radiance is the happiness. The dust cover is the thoughts.”

“thoughts come to you.You dont have to control your thoughts.The more you try to control your thoughts the more it comes back at you.It is just this thoughts that make you sad. Imagine you had a eraser in your palms.When you wipe off your forehead with your palms your present thoughts are erased.Then which state are you back to. Your original state of happiness”

“Sounds interesting. But what about the people who are pure evil. Who try to screw you every time ?”

“Now thats brings me to the other theory that you are God. Watch Anbe Sivam movie to get a hang of this. When you are God you don’t have to prove anything to anybody. Now imagine you lost your speaking and touching ability and you became invisible. How do you prove your existence to others.”

“Why should i prove.Even if i am not able to prove,I exist.Nothing can deny the fact that i exist.”

“Exactly.Thats the way you should think about yourself.You dont have to prove anything to anybody.”

The train now reached chrompet station.Shiva had to get down.He feels the conversation could have lasted for a lot more time. He now has more questions than answers. But the prospect of finding the answers all by himself is exciting for him.

He says the final bye to the Nahar and gets down. Feeling he is the God.

Recently my grandma got curious about what i do. I told her that i work on the web. And went on to explain her how the internet is so cool.She was disinterested about the whole web thing. I showed a sample of web2.0 sites to get her excited about web.I showed her wikimapia and told that you can zoom in and see anywhere in the world. She got curious now.

“You mean i can see any where in the world?”

“Yes.Infact you can see the place names marked in it.”

“Then show me my house in our village.”

I panned and zoomed to show her that.

“Look.This is the house.See its even marked with your name.The website states that its your house.”

I had earlier marked the place on wikimapia.I didn’t say her that.

“Hmm”

I was expecting a WOW. But she gave a duh ‘hmm’ reaction.

I then told her that you can book your train tickets sitting at home.I was desperate to get a better reaction from her.I went on to book her return tickets to show a demo for her.

“See.I said get me all the trains between these two stations.It listed all the available stations.I asked for availability.It showed that too.I booked the tickets,gave my bank details thats all.You will get the tickets by courier at our doorstep.”

She was still not that excited.She still had the same disinterested look.I gave up.

Days later when our house got a number of visiting relatives my grandma would some how bring up the conversation about the web.Then she would ask me to show them a demo.

“Hey show them that site in which you can see the whole world.”

The relatives all excited would come and sit near me. They would ask me to show them their respective house on that.I dont know why people choose to see their houses first.C’mon you can see the whole world.Why not the Americas or the Australia.But its their fate they chose to see their houses.

I would pan and zoom show them their respective houses. And unfortunately their houses will not be marked.

My grandma would remark with a smug “Aren’t your houses marked up on the site.Mine was marked by default.Poor fellows. It may be because your houses are in remote villages that they didn’t care to mark it.”

Oh i forgot to tell her that it is user generated content.Now i had a choice.I could say her that it is me who marked her house and that any body can mark any place or i could keep silent.The former would make my grandma less proud.So i chose be silent.

And when ever some relative would talk about taking their return tickets she would tell “why are you guys going to reservation offices,standing in line and all to buy tickets. You can buy sitting at home.” with a you-didn’t-already-know-this look.

And again she would ask me to buy their tickets online.

I would dutifully follow wondering the whether the relatives would pay me the ticket cost back or not.If they didn’t then how to politely ask them that.Now this is a risk my grandma is simply pushing me to take.

Luckily i didn’t show her the social networking sites like orkut,facebook et al. Else she might have sent a “Dude your profile looks so coooooool.Shal v b frnds?” request to me!

Our Hero gets little bit geeky and decides to tryout google app engine.He finds out that he would need python to work on google app engine.His habit is using the i am feeling lucky feature of Firefox address bar, he would type in only “python” in the address bar.And he typed it not in Firefox but in Opera.And Opera brings up python.com instead of python.org.Guess what, python.com happens to be a porn site.Whats more, he is seated in between his manager and a girl.Never know whether they peeped into his monitor.

“Hey, how are you?”
“….”
“Don’t remember me.I am your school mate”
“Yes i remember you man.I am on top of the world.How about you?”
“Me doing OK.So much changes.You look very different now.How many years have gone by after our school days.Must be 6 and half years since we met last time.Isn’t it?”
“Yes man it is 6 and half years.”
“I actually had a doubt whether it was you.You have become fatter but it is your hair style or actually the lack of it that remains the same.That made me confirm it was you”
“Ha ha.Thats because of the barber i go to.Ever since i asked him Rajini Cutting when i was 5 years old he has been giving me this kind of cut mercilessly”
“Now when did Rajini sport such a bad hairdo,it is almost like you have tonsured your head”
“Yeah I know.But that serves three purposes.”
“Whats that?”
“One.I don’t have to comb my hair at least for a month after the cut.
Two.It takes another month for the hair to grow that much to need a cut again”
“So saves money?”
“No saves time actually.Who will go and sit in the barbers shop every month.”
“And whats the third?”
“It makes people like you to identify me even if i have become fatter.It has become an identity”
“….”
“….”
“….”
“….”

Hello! My name is Jerry.Yes i am the little mouse who troubles Tom all the time.Tom, by the way, is not in house anymore.Rumors are that he has eloped with his girl friend next door.They both are supposedly having their honey moon in the junkyard three streets away from this house.

And now let me introduce you to my new Tom.He is not a cat but a human!.The problem is he thinks he is the official occupant of the house but i think other wise.But the good news is he dumps all his books every where that me and my two new friends munch on these days.

These two new friends of mine are really good.They were poor homeless fellows who were  roaming around the streets.I was generous enough to bring them into my house.These guys never cross the line drawn by me.When i am eating some thing in the kitchen these guys never come there.But being the generous,courteous[put infinite number of good adjectives here] fellow i call them when i eat the book papers.When it comes to eating books its always a party.

And my new Tom,lets call him Hu-Tom from now on,gets pissed off when he sees his books eaten.Hu-Tom thinks had Tom been here we wouldn’t have eaten his books.Yesterday Hu-Tom was cursing the Tom, wondering where the hell has he gone.Seems like Hu-Tom never knew about Tom’s affair with the girl next door.Hu-Tom has started planning strategies to prevent us from eating the books.And i have already started planning my counter strategies to break his strategies.

He made a case for the books to be dumped in.But little did he know that one of my room mate is so small enough to penetrate the case and eat the papers.Today Hu-Tom got really angry he caught my two companions red handed when they were having their lunch.These guys have a lot during lunch while i prefer to have a heavy break fast and dinner.Hu-Tom got a broom stick and scared those poor fellows.They were so scared that they ran away from the house.

Its been a little boring since my friends are not here.And guess what there is a very good cooked piece of food in the kitchen.And since there isn’t the two friends of mine its all for me.No i am not greedy,had they been here i would have shared it with them.But fate has it that i should eat this piece all alone.

I am going to eat it now.Hmm this piece smells like really good stuff.Its just two inches away from me now.I am going to jump on to it.Yes this tastes like………..screeeeeeeeeeeeeech………. Oh gosh i have got into a trap.That Hu-Tom has cunningly done me in.What can i do now.
“What could you do just wait”
who is this speaking now?
“I am your conscience”
Oh my god! I have heard grand ma say that people who are going to die will hear their conscience speak.Am i going to Die.
“What else do you expect..remember these human types, they value books like how we value cheese.You have eaten their CHEESE.I think when Hu-Tom returns he is going to have a go at you”
Oh will you please shut up conscience.
“Look out!! Hu-Tom is coming”
Hu-Tom throws away his bag and is coming right to the trap.Ah! he has seen me inside.He is going crazy.He is coming nearer.I can see he is having a big smile.Bigger than the Tom’s tail.He is saying something to me.I cant understand what he is saying.
“He is saying you final death message.Pray to your god”
Oh concience will you please go away.

Hu-Tom is lifting the trap.I dont know what he is going to do next.Is he going to boil me as they boil the poor carrots.The thought of it is sending a shrill through my spines.All my fur is standing up in attention.May be this is what is called fear.He is taking me away.He is having a drive down the street.He is taking me somewhere.Where could it be,what would he do after that.

The vehicle has stopped.This place’s looks familiar.I have heard about this place recently.But my memory is failing me to identify this place.He is going to open the trap with his leg.As soon as he opens the trap door i will make a dash.Never to be caught again.Yes! i have escaped.Hu-Tom left in his vehicle. back to his house probably.Where am i now.Yes now it comes to me.This is the junkyard.

“MEOW”…who was that? Is that you conscience?
“No my dear friend. Its me TOM!!”
RRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN.

Take off the surprise of the story statement:This is a dream.Not necessarily mine.I am flicking somebody else’s dream.Does stealing dream sound surrealistic.I don’t care because i actually have done that now.stealing dream is not a culpable crime.Never mind.

With all that fancy statements written above don’t expect a thriller or surreal dream.It is a pretty ordinary dream.But what makes it a short story is its climax.Off to the story or rather the dream.

Its uncommon.Never does these guys go on bus.But today they are there,traveling by bus for whatever reason.Rock star and Bala are standing.And a few feet away from them Anand is standing.Suddenly Rock star bumps on to the lady in front of him,which the others weren’t able to figure out whether it was intentional or do to inertia.Note:The description of the lady’s appearance is edited out to give this story a ‘U’ certificate.As a reflex reaction the lady gives a hard slap to Rock star.The slap is echoed and replayed thrice as in Bharathiraja’s movies.With mixed emotions of shame,guilt and rage Rock star disappears from the dream.and in comes Anand,to Rock star’s place to tease the lady.How dare the lady can give a slap to rock star.The bus suddenly jolts to stop.In the bus stop
there are hundreds of people with all kinds of swords and other glittering weapons.Bala and Anand are coming to a stark realization that the lady’s father is the ‘Area Dada’.

As i mentioned earlier the climax of the story is what makes this a short story.But since the dreamer woke up/or moved over to other dream after this scene.The story is not having a climax.Now dear reader don’t be a passive entity and start suggesting the climax of the story or write your comments about the dream.And as promised dear dreamer i haven’t let your name out.

CD’s Roommate: Dude i think we should jog in the morning.I bought this nike sports shoe for damn 3000 bucks.Atleast for that we must go jogging.
CD: No way.I cant get up ever at early morning to jog.And even if i get up never will come for a jog.

Place:CD’s home town.2 weeks later

Mother of CD: If you go on eating like this nobody will give you a girl.
CD: Really! Do i look that stout ?
Mother of CD: Is that a question.You look like a pumpkin sitting on top of potato.
CD:Are you sure no girl will like me?
Mother of CD: I am darn sure they will run away like they have seen a ugly monster,when they see you.

2 Day’s later in CD’s room away from home.

CD: Get up! Get Up!
CD’s Room mate: Why the hell are you waking me up this early.
CD: C’Mon we are going to jog from today.
CD’s Room mate: Did i hear you correctly.Or are you trying to make some prank.Let me warn you if you are playing this prank on me so early in the morning (or is it midnight) you will go straight to grave yard.
CD: Hey i am serious.We will jog everyday from today onwards.Lets go till the Park and come back.
CD’ Room mate: Dude thats 4km from here.What happened suddenly to you.
CD: Just thought over what you said the other day.Now i agree that atleast for the nike shoe you bought we must jog.After all 3000 bucks is big money isn’t it.lets Just do it!

I am Cloned! – proclaimed Arafath’s orkut profile.I am out in the streets.Is this Arafath,Yes it is….“Hey Arafath! How come you are here?” Arafath is riding on a sidecar(attached seat in Scooter,similar to the one Veeru rides on in Sholay) that is attached to a Car.Arafath sees me and gives a wry smile which was arrogant enough for me to stop calling him.His vehicle doesn’t even stop.I keep yelling at him.My hand is inside a cave.Something is dragging me inside and it is aching and becoming numb simultaneously.A TV flickers on.Arafath comes back.He is trying to explain me that..it was his clone which i saw.He was driving the car and didn’t even notice me.He goes on to explain how cool it is to have a clone.The clone does all the menial work while he can enjoy doing things thats interesting to him.The clone is like a personal servant to him, but to the others it is Arafath himself.The instructor in the Television starts explaining that the NaH is the final thing to be added to the solution.I add the same in the jar which is in front of me.He says “Now when you drink this you will become a composite” He drinks the solution and extinguishes to become ashes(Composite in his words).The TV flickers and switches off.