Grey Matter

Parle G used to be my daily dose of biscuit during my exam days. I can never sit in a place and just be with books. So while reading i would drink tea and eat one full packet of Parle G. I would prepare a big chombu(Mini-jar) of Tea for myself,buy a packet of Parle G, dip each biscuit in the tea and eat it. You could visualize the scene : Me sitting in a position thats next best thing to lying flat on the floor,having the tea in one hand, a biscuit in another hand,Biscuit packet beside me, and the book on the floor. When i have to turn the page i would first finish my biscuit and then turn the page,pick another biscuit. So my exam preparations were as if i was reading a novel in my retired life.

I used to think Parle G is an International biscuit. With the photo of that chubby girl i was deceived to believe that its an English Brand,

Then in 11th standard when i started learning French,I came to know that Parle is a verb in French for “to speak”. So Speak G. Or Say G. Is it something like Say Cheese? Whatever it was it sounded cryptic enough for me to think that its a french brand.

This was all before i could lay my hands on the Big G,thats the Google.

Now that i Googled and found out that Parle is an Indian company i owe a Parle G biscuit packet to somebody from my school with whom i had a bet that its a foreign brand.

I practiced rather hard over the weekend to run in today’s Chennai marathon. I ran through the marina beach stretch yesterday early morning for practice. I was pretty confident of running the 7 km race without stopping anywhere. But i over worked by walking a lot more kilometers through out yesterday that my legs already were stiff over the morning.

A bit of Amurthanjan and stretching, I was ready for the D- day.

All that i wanted to do was to finish the run without stopping. It drizzled a bit in the morning. Suddenly some part of me was hoping it would rain heavily and everyone will stay back at home so that i would win the prize

But my silly little hope evaporated quickly as Mr.Sun came staring down at us.

I started from home. I had planned to catch a 21G bus which goes to War Memorial,which was the starting point of the marathon. I was waiting at my bus stop and three 21G ’s came and none of them stopped. Then did i realize that 21G does not stop in yellow pages (My stop) on one way.

I walked till the next stop and waited for the bus. No buses for the next 30 min. I thought by now the buses would have been diverted and started walking towards beach.

Even pedestrians like me were diverted as the 21 Km race was already going on. Throughout the way i saw people from all walks of life walking towards war memorial. It is probably a 4 to 5 km walk from Gandhi statue to war memorial.

I already had walked 8 km before a 7 km race. Perfect. The Sun was suddenly blazing heavily.

When i saw a empty train going over the chepauk bridge did i think i could have come by train. But then common sense is such a rarity for me.

When i finally reached the starting point there were already millions of participants in front of me. And millions of them behind me. It was like a big political party procession. No one was running. And no one can run standing in middle of such a huge crowd. Until a few meters down the road i wasn’t able to run. Then suddenly the road widened and i had enough space to dodge people and run. I started running.

The turn near the Omandurar’s estate is such a narrow place that everybody was back to the crawling mode.I tried not to stop so kept moving in between people at times jumping over to the foot path.

There was procession like attitude in most of the people. They carried placards like “save the trees” and Aids control. Good that they want to spread some awareness but that left me little space to run.

And there were corporate employees who were out to make team building exercise. Lets take a group photo here. And lets take a group photo there.

Back to the Marina stretch. School kids were standing all along the stretch playing band music and cheering the runners or should i say walkers. I waived at a bunch of school girls who were in the cheering crowd. And they started making even more noise. Yay! Felt like an Hero

And nobody ahead of me ever cared to make a u turn in light house and come back to Gandhi beach. There was a huge human traffic Jam in Gandhi beach that even i gave up running beyond that. And did i say by now i had stopped for 3rd time. At the Gandhi statue desk teachers were calling their lost students,friends were calling their lost friends,fathers’ were calling their lost sons. Basically everybody was calling everybody.

Over all it was a pretty good run even though i had stopped in between a few times. I could know that from my legs which was so light that I didn’t feel lifting them.

Sun. Sweat. Tan. Breath. Run. Been There. Done That.

Why is that i don’t hear anything about lakshwadeep in media?

We hear about andamans only when earth quakes happen there.

Many in mainstream india can’t differentiate between a north-east indian,chinese or a japanese.

And whats more some dont know mizoram is part of india.

Recently i heard this conversation:

“I am from Mizoram”

“Oh good. Which country is it?”

The last time i heard/read about lakshwadeep was in my school geography books.

This is a season for a lot of birthdays and marriages of people i know. I really have to get my gyan right on gifts.

I have decided not to give gifts that don’t mean a thing for the person who gets it. I mean who adores those show case pieces available in gift shops. With friends the options generally are wallets,dresses,watches,books etc,

But wallets – nobody uses more than one at the same time. And most people have their sentiments about the wallets. I have got wallets as gifts that still sleeps on my house while i still use the one that i bought for myself.

And watches are so old fashioned gifts. People get watches when they pass 10th exams.

So it squares down to books and dresses. But you can’t give the books as gifts because people can find out its price. Dresses have this unique qualification as gifts, such as : people will be using it and even cheaper ones can look like branded stuff if you know where to buy.

But i have a big problem with buying dresses. I never shop for my own dress. If at all i ever shop it is a quick visit to the nearest shop,pick something quickly, pay the money and come back. I wear it even it doesn’t fit properly. But in case of gifts you must think so many things:

1. Will it suit the person who you are gifting to.Well whats his size.

2. Will he/she like it.

3. In case you are sharing the cost with other friends you need to think is it, fitting into everybody’s budget.

4.Will the people you are contributing towards the dress think its worth the money they are spending.

the list goes on.

And before this season gets over, i think i would have done enough research on gifts to do a Phd on that.

It was raining,not to heavily but heavy enough to drench my shirt and face.I came into the chrompet station.The station was scarcely lit as it was already well into the night.Through the haze that was formed on my specs i could see vaguely a light approaching.No points for guessing what that was.Obviously a train.I took out my specs wiped it and wore it back.After that in the clear view i was able to see a man trying to cross the  train track and climb up the platform. I was like what the heck is he doing. The train was blowing the horns and fast approaching. He was still on the tracks trying to make it to the platform. Instinctively i decided i have to help him and plunged towards that fellow.I gave him a hand to climb up. But was too drunk to even catch my hand. So i had to become this macho guy and pull him out myself. I pulled him out just in time like how it happens jeans movie. If i was a split second late he would have been gone. And that was my filmi moment of the day. After pulling him out i looked around expecting people to clap,whistle or at least acknowledge my heroics by a nod.But people in chrompet are so indifferent. They didn’t give a dime and was busy getting into the train or coming out of it. I had to shrug and barge in the train myself else i would have to wait another 20 min for the the next one. Meanwhile the drunkard was busy finding a place to sleep on the station.

The cash counter guy mistakenly gives us an extra meals token. Had it been any other day we would have given it back to him. But this guy tried to act smart when giving back the change.So what do we do.Save that token. Eat the lunch. Come out. There stands a beggar. A perfect beggar. He comes at you asking for money, pointing his stomach indicating that he is hungry.

We give him the token. Tell him that he can go to the restaurant and have a full meals with that. And watch him go to the restaurant, sit and give the token.

The restaurant guy watches in bewilderment. We smirk.

Shiva is still sitting in the pathway between chetpet station and the over bridge. Smoke all over around him.He has smoked continously for more than 30 min now.The yellow light emanating from the neon street lights in the bridge above, combined with the smoke around him gives an errie look.The pathway is inbetween the railway tracks and the overbridge but is full of trees.It almost would qualify as a mini forest.The place doesn’t seem to be part of the city. Like a metaphor for what he feels right now.

This is the last train leaving towards chrompet.If he misses this, he would have to wait for another 4 hours before the next day service starts.

He climbs an empty railway car.The train starts.He stands at the door front,watching a crematorium in the distance.Then he looks down at the subway that comes next.He gets a sudden realization that he is on the edge of the door.Even a gentle push from somebody from the back would make is way to the crematorium he just saw or atleast break his limbs for sure.

He gets in the coach.Now he finds that the coach is not completely empty and a man is sitting over at the far end.He is watching him.He feels that middle aged man must have been watching him all this while. The man waves at him asking him to sit beside him.

Now this is not what he wanted.Some middle aged man trying to strike up conversation for the entire journey. He is so fed up with all this. He sits in the front in opposite direction of the man. The man now comes and sits beside him. Anyother day he would have scolded the man with a F* word.

The middle aged man extends a hand. “I am Nahar .What is your good name?”

Shiva doesn’t respond to this. Nahar doesn’t seem perturbed by this.He goes on. “You seem to be in a bad mood.What is that you are worried about?”

Shiva gets angry.He has to stop this immediately else this guy would go on speaking.He starts yelling at him.”I dont want to talk to you ^%@#. All you guys pretend.Dont try to be this nice guy to me.I hate you all.Now would you please shut up “

Nahar doesn’t get angry at all. He goes on “Good. I was hating everybody like this.They all seem losers don’t they ?”

“Yeah.They all. There was this class mate of mine.We were in a narrow street.Walking towards each other.I give her a smile of recognization,all she does is quickly look down trying to avoid getting the eyes meet up again.”

Now having said that.Shiva wonders what made him respond this man.He was hating him just few seconds back.But something in his eyes tell that he is genuinely interested in hearing his story.

Nahar smiles.”May be she had a big brother who doesn’t like her talking to guys.”

“Well i dont know that.But what I did was, i played by her game. Passing by her acting as if i didn’t see her.And after few steps thought why don’t we have more fun and went back stood right before her and said a ‘Hi’.She was caught unaware. All that she could speak was that,how come i was here, as if she hasn’t seen me a few minutes back.Pretention i say. What makes these people pretend? i hate seeing pretenders”

“You hate people.People love to hate others. You can see in old movies heroes used to be this communist guys who hated the capitalist guys, who are always shown as evil guys.But then when the same hero becomes a millionaire in just a span of one song.No questions asked.”

“Ha ha.Exactly.When you do it,its fine but when it is the other way round it is wrong.”

“There is a theory that the hatred towards others is just a culmination of your own insecurites and fears.”

“Well i dont believe this theory .What about the people you hate simply,like auto men.”

“Good point there.This auto men is a good case study. People hate auto men because they are unruly and are drunkards. But when they find out their own son being a drunkard they blame it on his friendship. They go like ‘my son he was a good boy. He friends cirlce spoiled him.’ When their son drinks its a societal problem but when the automan drinks it is his problem. Because he is auto man, you know.”

“And in Delhi begging has been criminalised. See even the government hates beggars now.They dont speak of rehabilitation,they speak like ‘you beg so you are a criminal’”

“Now that you understand it is nothing to do with you.It is just the human nature.Tell me what make you happy?”

“Well i really cant answer this exactly.”

“Ok tell me this. people,material,your ego satisfaction. does all this cover all the things that makes you happy?”

“Well i think it does.I am not sure”

“Ok.Let me explain. There are some people, who when you talk to, makes you happy. For example talking to kids,your mother,spouse,friends etc., isn’t it? then there are this materialistic pleasures which could be something as small as eating a chocolate,drinking a hot tea on a cold night and as big as buying a jet plane. And finally your ego satisfaction such as helping out somebody,solving something that was termed impossible,becoming famous and all that”

“Wow.Yes it covers everything that makes a man happy.”

“Now let me burst each of those causes. First up the materialistic pleasures.If i give you a million dollar and tell you that you cannot exchange it for goods does that bring any happiness to you?”

“Of course not.”

“Humans – we desire things,we feel as if the thing is all important for the rest of your life.But once you get it and the excitement fades,life is the same as it was before.Think how you wanted each of those toys when you were younger. But then life was the same after a week with the toy.”

“Yes.I could add on.Thinking about eating chocloates is more happier moment than the one after you ate.”

“Good.People make you want things.They sell it to you.Get your money and what they do with that money they go and buy things that others made them want to.I sell plasma TV to you.And go buy a jet airplane.”

“Interesting,So you mean to say that people should be void of materialistic desires?”

“No.Don’t jump to conclusions so early.Let me take you along with me till the end.Then you decide what is best for you”

“Okay”

“Now that the main thing is bursted the rest of the two can be easily bursted.I mean people though they seem to give happiness, It is just your thoughts. Same goes for the ego satisfaction. It is your thoughts that make you feel happy or sad. “

“I am not fully getting this thoughts thing.”

“Let me explain. Think of you as a tubelight. Well, pun not intended. You radiate light.And when dust covers you,you become less radiant. The radiance is the happiness. The dust cover is the thoughts.”

“thoughts come to you.You dont have to control your thoughts.The more you try to control your thoughts the more it comes back at you.It is just this thoughts that make you sad. Imagine you had a eraser in your palms.When you wipe off your forehead with your palms your present thoughts are erased.Then which state are you back to. Your original state of happiness”

“Sounds interesting. But what about the people who are pure evil. Who try to screw you every time ?”

“Now thats brings me to the other theory that you are God. Watch Anbe Sivam movie to get a hang of this. When you are God you don’t have to prove anything to anybody. Now imagine you lost your speaking and touching ability and you became invisible. How do you prove your existence to others.”

“Why should i prove.Even if i am not able to prove,I exist.Nothing can deny the fact that i exist.”

“Exactly.Thats the way you should think about yourself.You dont have to prove anything to anybody.”

The train now reached chrompet station.Shiva had to get down.He feels the conversation could have lasted for a lot more time. He now has more questions than answers. But the prospect of finding the answers all by himself is exciting for him.

He says the final bye to the Nahar and gets down. Feeling he is the God.

“come lets go soon.Its already 8.I have to be at home by 9″
“Ok where to go? what to buy?”
“That is the million dollar question.How about clock?”
“Clocka..thats is so 20th century.He would get n number of clocks”
“Ok come soon.We will decide after going to the shop.”
“Ok.”

8.10 pm
“Hey we will go inside vitan and see if anything interesting is there”
“Its not vitan anymore.Its nishant foods private limited”
“Yeah.That owner is a KD.Opened as franchise for vitan.Learnt the trade from them now having his own brand.”
“Nishant paruppu,nishant arisi”
“Thats what man.We must market our own products.Thats where you can get much profit.Remember Nilgiris.They did it first.”

8.20 pm
“Nothing interesting here man.Only clocks.Which i am totally against and some flower vases.”
“Yes.Is there any other shop?”
“There is one at gopalpuram.Its got better collection than this one.”
“Come lets go there and see”

8.45 pm
“Man that shop is closed.Its SUNDAY.”
“My,my.. is there anyother shop near by.”
“Guess not.Don’t people in goplapuram give gifts at all.No gift shops around.”
“Come lets go back.”
“Mea Culpa.We shouldn’t have come to gopalpuram.We should have gone towards luz.”
“What is Mea Culpa.”
“That is Latin man.Meaning my mistake.Its fashionable these days to mix foreign languages while speaking English.Just as people mix English while speaking Tamil.”
“Yes.We can blabber something and state that it is in Malta language.People will go like Maltava..where is it? you know that language.”

8:50 pm
“Lets go towards music academy.There we will have shops.”
“What is this man.We could have got the clock itself.Don’t even know what to gift.”
“Thats why we must have girlfriends.You know by this time we would have developed the habit of gifting.
Remember this is first anniversary of the day you saw me at the beach-gift.Remember this is the second anniversary of the day you gave me a slap-gift.”
“Ah.Girlfriends! very bad man.See this kareeena kapoor,aishwarya rai and the likes.Kareena thought poor Shahid would become big someday.But when she realised this fellow is not of any use switched to Saif.Its all money man.”

9:00 pm
“Now we have to take a desicion.”
“Decisiona.Adapaavi.I thought you will show some shop here.Standing in middle of the road and saying we have to take a decision”
“Yes.We have to take a decision.We have to decide whether turn left,right or go straight.”
“What is the probability of availability of shops on a sunday on cathedral road.Lets find out by going right.”
“Yes there must be some shops in front of Chola.”

9:15 pm
“Man what happened to the shops that were here?”
“That was long time back.No gifts shops out here.”

9.20 pm
“Hey remember that grains.”
“What grains?”
“That thing man.Soft grains? pillow”
“Oh Yes that snow bean pillow.”
“We used see it lifestyle.And he is fond of them.That would make a perfect gift.”
“If only you had got this idea when we were at my home,we would have saved one and half hour of walking”
“Now how to go to lifestyle”
“We will catch a bus.But murphy’s law states that we will not get the bus when we urgently reqire it”
“Will lifestyle will be open now?”
“Dunno .”

9:30 pm
“At last.See the lifestyle closing time.10 pm.Lucky for us.”
“Lets go see other things if we did not find anything else, we will buy the snow bean pillow itself”

“How about candles? He can light this at his room and feel romantic.”
“His father will give a long stare at us.Thinking what these guys are”
“Ok.How about this vase”
“This doesn’t look like a vase.Looks like a very huge beer pint.”
“If he had been a drunkard we can happily give this filled with beer”

“Hey shall we give that baby carriage.He will need it one day”
“But the mother of the baby in that would kick us that we are kidnapping her child”
“Oh that is not for sale.I thought it was also for sale”

“Its going to be 10.Lets better get the pillow itself.”
“Ok.We will gift wrap it here itself.Do they gift wrap it here?”
“I will better ask.”

10:00 pm
“This queue its taking longer.Go to the next queue.Its already 10.These people are moving out!”

10:10 pm
“we have bought it.But nobody is left to gift wrap it.”

10:15 pm
“Lets do it tomorrow morning.But i dont think any shop would be open by 7 o clock.”
“Lets see.No other go.Take this home.”
“I am not taking this home.I dont want any scoldings from my parents.They might ask would anyone give a pillow as gift.”
“Adapaavi.But we have to gift wrap it.”
“Dont worry i will buy the wrap and cello tape we will do it ourselves.You had to be in the house by 9.Go home soon.”

Next day morning 7:00 am

“Man no shops.No gift papers.”
“Lets go to his place and see there if any shop is near by.”

7:20 am
“We will check out in this street”
“These people are looking as if we are some aliens.”
“Yes.I dont think this area has any shops.We will ask someone.”

7:23 am
“We will ask the watch man of his building.He will no better.”
“Yes”

“He is saying there are no shops here.We have to go to doveton it seems.Where is this doveton?”
“Who knows”
“Man.Idea.We will buy the morning newspaper.And gift wrap it in that.And say that it is the latest fashion.”
“No way.Gift means it must be in that glittering glittering sheets”

7:30 am
“It is of no use.Searching for a shop early in the morning.You keep this in your bag.We will call him outside.And give it to him.”
“No man.That will not look good.”

7:45 am
“We will ask someone in that barber shop”

“He is simply pointing to some potti kadai.I dont think that shop has gift wraps”

8:00 am
“Man lets try that potti kadai.Last try”

8:05 am
“Do you have gift wraps?”
“He is signalling he is having it.”
“Please gift wrap this.Use how many ever paper you want.”
“3 cheers to Kavitha Stores.The only store with gift wrap on a monday morning in the whole of neighbourhood”

When the suspected spy Kashmir Singh is released by pakistan.He comes home and say this.

“Hey Musharraf, you know what i was a spy indeed.Na nana naaana“

What he doesn’t know is he is making life or living itself difficult for another suspected spy Sarabjit Singh. Sarabjit might get hanged.

You know there are times you should keep your mouth shut.

Until very recently i have never paid bribes, as i didn’t have anything to do with Government offices,that is if you dont consider BSNL as a govt office and i dont drive any vehicle.So no visit to RTO office also.
I got a call the other day from Royapettah police station to come and meet them for passport applicant
verification.The police man is supposed to come to the address of the applicant and enquire about the applicant check his records confirming that he is not a criminal.But since the phone number is given in the application it makes their job easy by allowing them not visit the applicant’s place and rather call him to the station.
The first day i went to meet him the person in charge was not there.He was not expected to come back anytime sooner.A guy had been waiting for more than 3 hours for the same passport verification purpose.So i decided to come the next day.
The next i did meet him.Here is the extract of the conversation i had with him:

Me:Hello Sir.I have come for passport verification.
Police man: Your application has been canceled!!
[Now what the hell, he didn't even ask my name,how can he know its my application thats canceled]
Me:May i know the reason why it was canceled.
Police Man:Don’t worry i know the route to go and get you the passport.But it would cost a little.
[OK,he wants bribe]
Me:/Grin/
[I pull out my purse to finish things soon so that i can get to my office early]
Police Man:Wait!! Wait!!
[His superior is passing by me]
Police Man:So whats your name?
Me:Subramanian
Police man:Software Engineer?
Me:No
[I know this idiot will never enquire about me.There is this higher bribe rate slot for software engineers.So i decide to tell him i am no Software Engineer.But any way i was Junior Software Engineer then.So its the truth ]
Police man:Come along with me.
[Takes me to the nearest fancy store.Gets inside the shop.]
Police man:Now give me./all smiles/
[Doesn't even have slightest guilt in getting money to do his work]
[I give him Rs:100]
Police man:It would actually cost more.
[I give him a hard look]
Police man:Its OK i will do it for you.I will take care of all the things.
[As if i asked him for a illegal passport]
[I leave the place]

Now i have paid my first ever bribe.Now wait is that a bribe?.A bribe is given for doing something illegal.But this guy wants money to do his job!.I could have paid him a zero rupee note.But I didn’t for 2 reasons: 1 I didn’t have one 2. I wanted to get to office soon.