Grey Matter

If Nobel Prize Committee had:

Indians they would have given it to Rahul Gandhi.  (I am an Austerity Holy Cow)

Tamilians they would have given it to Karunanidhi. (I give Anna Award to myself)

Tweeps they would have given it to Sashi Tharoor. (Dare not touch the Holy High Command Cows)

Me,  I would have given it to myself.  ( Do I need a reason?)

I decided to accompany @balaarjunan from office even though I started early. And as cliched as it can get : It rained. Rained cats and gods.(Yeah I know that its “Rained cats and ****”. But I don’t want to call them by their first name and call upon their wrath. I call them as Gods just to please them)

There is one thing about rains — it increases your biological needs. I mean when you are hungry it makes you feel more hungry, when you want to piss, it makes it more urgent need.

After waiting for a long time we decided to cover bala’s laptop with black sheets(Thanks to the black panthers ) and was ready to hit the road.

He was like batman with a long black paper on his back.

We went to Sholinganallur (Stupid people call this nice named place as SHOLS). There is a tea shop in Sholinganallur that is the first tea shop to open in the entire area. I used to have tea here at 3 am in the morning sometime  back.  Thanks to the night outs at office.

Being nostalgic to the 3 am tea, coupled with the rains, I recommended we have tea in the same shop.  Tea at 10:30 in the night did not seem right idea for Arjunan.  He had a cold drink and I ordered for my tea. One sip of the tea and you know you are in bliss. And that’s when the bloody bus came. I had to leave half of the tea and catch the bus due to Arjunan’s insistence.

And when walking to back home, I encountered GODS again. It was time to put up a brave face and walk past them. This time I made it. They didn’t bother to bark at me.

Blacky don’t bark at me.
I ain’t no stranger.
I live just 3 blocks away.

I happen to go my home late into night most of the days. My neighborhood is a fairly calm place, where not many are on the road after 8 pm. This leaves me as the lone person walking on the road most of the times.

There is always some  song that keeps running in the back of my mind like a distant radio. And when I am alone these songs come out of my mouth, that is I sing that to myself.

Here is a situation song from Green Day that comes to my mind :

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don’t know where it goes
But it’s home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I’m the only one and I walk alone

Well I would be wrong if I say I walk alone. There are quite a few street dogs that walk,  run,  <censored> , and fight  at that time.

And like any other gangs, this ‘gang of dogs’ (GOD, as I call it) has a gang leader. He is small, He is black, And He is mad as hell, as Lynda Barry will put it. I think the other dogs think he belongs to a occult society, otherwise there is no reason why they allowed him to be the self proclaimed leader that he is.

This Chief of GOD, for some reasons best known to him, doesn’t like the sight of me singing to myself and walking.

He barks, barks as loud as a trumpet on a Bose speaker, when ever he sees me. Then all his accomplices come running from all over the place barking and supporting his cause(Which I am totally unaware of)

What’s worse is that the dogs inside the houses too join this GOD and bark, howl and do what not.

One day I stopped while the Chief of GOD was barking at me. He came running, barking and making gestures at me. And some how he got an intuition that its better not to come near me, so he applied breaks, skidded of the road and stopped, but still he didn’t stop his barking.

There I saw in his eyes — deepest contempt. Then the next instant it was as if he is asking me something. May be I was imagining things. But I could see in his eyes. May be he wanted me to stop singing GD (Green Day) and start singing for GOD. Like all those Maharajas of olden days, may be he wanted  me to write a song on him and sing it for him.

And if you haven’t  figured it out yet, yes, the first three lines of this post are of the song I am writing for him.

Politics has long been the creative juice of most of the satirists.

The cartoons, essays and the caricatures that we read in the newspapers have now started trickling  into Web2.0 world also. Like:  Ramesh Srivats’s tweets.

And what best time to hear the satirists than the elections.

I was travelling back to home on an Auto. The auto driver, on seeing a yellow and something flag, said “I wonder whose flag is this”. Then after seeing the Sarath Kumar posters he went on “Ah, Sarathu kumaru.. Everybody started creating a party. If it goes on like this Vadivelu, Kanja Karuppu will start parties”

“They occupy all these marriage halls and make  life hell for us”

And then came  a convoy of Sarath Kumar’s party workers. They were all in the usual cinema style Sumo cars. And all were shouting “Aye,Aye,Oyi,Oyi” at other vehicle drivers and onlookers as if they were shooing away some stray cow eating their plants.

The auto driver remarked “Ithungalukkellam vottu podanamam” /For these kinds we have to put vote- it seems,with a sarcastic look on his face/

“Yellam Kai nattu kesunga.. Namba payyan oruthan irukkan.. dei yennada panrennu ketten.. Katchila senthutan na nnu sonnan. Dei.. nee kainattu ache da nnu sonen.. Athukku avan solran ‘Katchila senthachu illa inimey minister ana padichikalamnnu’”

English translation:

All these are illiterates. I have a known person. I asked him what is he doing. For that he said I joined a party. I asked him what you joining a political party? Aren’t you illiterate. For that the guy replied ‘I have joined party right, we will learn if  I become minister’

There is a little stream that runs after a couple of streets away from where I live.  Having spent more than 2 days at home I thought let me wander beyond the streams and see what is there.

I started cycling and crossed the almost broken bridge. There was gap for a cycle perhaps a bike to go over that bridge.

Beyond the bridge was a large field for as long as i can see. Nothing but field except for a handful of houses scattered like miles apart. Like the one which comes in the trainspotting movie. I thought I should have taken my camera along with me.

There was small bumpy path way that was leading to somewhere. I thought let me bike along this path so that I don’t get lost. After a few hundreds of meters of biking did I realize that there is not even a single human around. Its just me and the vast field. What would you do now if a Dog comes? Somebody inside me was asking me. I was planning ways to escape the dog if at all I get to meet one.

And there came a Dog. Barking straight at me.

I was off balance in my cycle and heading straight towards the Dog. It got more scared than I am and was running away from me. It went a little further from me and was watching me drive for as long as it can see.

Then suddenly in the middle of nowhere I saw two sparkling estates. Like the ones in ECR. What are these doing in this no man’s land. I saw people from inside staring at me suspiciously.

I was about to take the right turn around the estate to spy around, when somebody yelled. “Yei Inga Yenna Panre” (“Hey you. What are you doing here”)

That was from a very stout lungi clad man. He was looking like the bald villains in Rajinikanth movies. I lied to him that I got lost and was trying to get back home. He gave me the directions to all the near by  places. Good fella. He told if I hit straight on the path i will reach some village called Durcas. And if i go in south easterly direction I would reach Kishkintha. From there I can go to Tambaram if i want.

But the best thing to do considering the fact that light was fast decreasing was to put a U turn and go back in the path in which i came.  I returned back wary of the fact that i would have to meet the Dog again. This time that dog wasn’t there. But a lot more were barking from the houses that were scattered here and there. And when I reached back the broken bridge it was dark.

The best adventures are self made. Instantly.

Dennis the menace was one among my favourite cartoons when i was a kid.

I used to love the way uncle Wilson was tormented by Dennis. But in recent times i empathize with what uncle Wilson might have felt.

All the kids that come to my home thing PC as a game box. They wouldn’t believe if i tell them i have no games on my machine. They go about telling me even if i dont have anything on my machine they can play on the Internet.

Ah Internet – creating spoilt brats.

I will tell them I dont have internet and promptly they would ask then why the heck do I have a Modem.

I remember my mom used to tell me that there is no current for the TV (but the fan would be still running ) and I would buy that as a reason for not switching on the TV.

Today morning I woke up to find my guitar being used in one of the games that they play. Luckily it didn’t die yet.

Afternoon it was time for my Flute to be used as a Cricket bat. And when the match ended in a quarrel it became a dagger. And was finally was thrown away by the biggest kid of the lot.

 Kids have become really smart these days. I pity all those uncles who I used to torment. May be its their curse. I will setout and find each one of them to apologize.

The dude who poses as warrior, as commando, who’s faces are all over the city with photoshopped gimmicks – like the face with a roaring panther besides it.
By far the best exponent of photo shop among politicians, proclaimed “Fast Unto Death”  if they dont stop the war in Sri Lanka.

And 4 days later he finished the fast by drinking the “Pala saru”.