Grey Matter

The stretch from Mandaveli Bus stand till the corporation ground in R A Puram has got transformed often ever since i started going by the way to my college some 5 and half years ago.But the transformation has never been for the good.The position, and the geometry of the potholes are the only change.There seems to be a eternal metro water repair work which would occupy the most of the center part the road combine with it a number of disastrous potholes due to the bad quality of road laid, they make the perfect recipe for accidents.

The road was actually relaid a few years back but it would last only a few days and was back to same shape as it was earlier. And if you happen to travel in this road beyond 10 pm you will have a lot more adventure with no proper street lights, unruly share autos and other vehicles.And if you happen to be in one of those share autos you are in for a theme park ride since some of the auto man would be either drunkard or mad man to try out every pothole on the road.

I haven’t posted something on the bustling category for a long time.Thats partially due to my resistance to make fun of people who travel along with me in MTC and mainly due to the fact that i don’t recollect most of the events at the end of the day.But today the driver in the bus i was traveling, made my day.He might have been a mad man but he had a terrific sense of humor that a lot of people flocked around him to hear his speech.I was engrossed with my own thoughts and didn’t notice his speech until a huge roar of laughter from the fellow passengers interrupted me.I started observing the driver from that time.

Note:The driver was speaking Madras Bashe(Tamil in its adulterated form).There could be some pun lost in translation.

He saw some guys drooling at the women in the bus stop,made a comment “Thirunthuma ithungellam”[Will these creatures ever change] and switched on the wiper! It wasn’t raining.But still he put on the wiper for the front mirror.You may think what’s so funny about this.But there is a allegory in Tamil called “Jollu Vadiyarathu”[Saliva coming out the mouth without the consciousness] for drooling.So the driver is symbolically preventing the saliva falling from those men by switching on the wiper!

Then came the signal.The traffic police let all the vehicles go but stopped the vehicles in the lane exactly when our bus was going to cross.He was standing just in front of the bus showing his hand.Instantly the bus driver started singing “Mama Mama Yema,Mama Mama Yema”[Uncle,Uncle Why are you doing this].This is a famous old song in Tamil.Here too “Mama” is to refer traffic police.All police men are referred as Mama and police station/jail is referred to as mamiyar veedu[Aunt's House] due to reasons unknown in Tamil.

The traffic police let our bus pretty quickly not making it to wait for a long time in signal.As a courtesy gesture our driver honked,honked,kept honking until the traffic police saw him.The driver saluted him cordially and said a “Thanks Mama”.

The driver kept doing his acts so nicely (I have just written 2 of them here ) that kept most of the passengers entertained.He was enjoying every moment of drive too.
And for once i was having more than my money’s worth of ride in Bus.Thanks to the entertainment factor.

I work in the so called IT corridor(Old Mahabalipuram Road) of the  Chennai  city.During my everyday journey to office i happen to see these school children of the local villages,who go the Government Schools on the road, struggling hard to get into the already full over its capacity Metropolitan bus(MTC) in order to reach their schools.Most of the times these little 7 to 14 years olds hang in the foot board of the bus to travel to their schools.The beaurocrats and the politicians speak of reducing the school drop outs but here are the children having hardships to even go to their schools let alone study there.Its a irony that the high tech buses that carry the IT workers to their workplaces ply on the same road in huge numbers.These buses normally have enough space to carry some of the school children on their way.Or atleast after leaving the IT workers, the buses are anyways free which could be used for transporting these children to their schools.C’mon its time the IT coz pay back  the preferential treatment and SOPs they get from the governments and act with some social responsiblity.

Mr. Java’s Loooong Journey.

Every Day Mr.Java and Mr.V comes to office by route A.On this eventful day Mr.Java made a plan of trying out a different route B.That was to go to Tambaram and come to office by bus.So they both started in the quest of exploring various options before choosing the best possible way to come to office.They had seldom been to the ‘Tambaram city’ and were never aware of the crowd that existed there.They asked someone inside the train about direction to go in order to catch the bus to office.He replied ‘leftla ponomba’ which translates into ‘go left’.But the problem with directions is whats left for one guy will be right for the other if they both are facing each other.The train finally stopped in the ‘Tambaram City’ station.The duo started walking towards the overhead bridge.But fate had to play its role.They both got separated in the chaos that normally existed in the Tambaram City during office hours.poor guys they weren’t prepared for this.

Mr.V being a little bit smart asked an middle aged man the direction again to reconfirm.The fellow said ‘rightla popa’ which means turn right.He did not have a phone so was not able to communicate this to Mr.Java.He assumed that Mr.Java also will ask some middle aged uncle and come to the right direction.He waited for some time in the bus stand.Since Mr.Java was seen no where near he caught a bus and came to office.

But it was different story for Mr.Java…he happily believed the train passenger’s direction and went left.He went to the wrong side of the station.He asked some one out there which bus goes to karapakkam.He said the bus number.He boarded the bus.He got the ticket asking for karapakkam.He saw nice greeneries all through the journey.He made up in his mind that this is the best route. we could happily see such greenery while coming to office.

He saw Vandalur coming…he was thinking why should Vandalur come on route to office.But due to his Proficiency in Tamil he never minded to ask anybody.(Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.)The bus was going ,going and going but karapakkam never came.The bus finally stopped. he expected karapakkam but it was kelambakkam. Everyone he asked for karapakkam has heard it as k<something>pakkam due to his proficiency in Tamil.They assumed it to be kelambakkam and has given the direction.He needed to go more some 10 Km to reach office.He asked an Auto rickshaw..he charged rs 150.He thought Man thats too costly i will have to pay less than that from my house to office.

He again caught a bus to come to office. That took another light year to reach the destination.And finally he reached the office by 11.30(compare this with his normal arrival time of 8.30).Sure its the best route to come when you have enough time to spare.

He saw Mr.V happily sitting in office not even caring to call .(but poor Mr.V he never remembered any numbers,and it never struck him that others will have it.But what can he do..he thought Mr.Java might be as smart as him in finding out the way.)

This incident happened much before the first story, but i got time today only to post it…

This was a lucky day for us.For when we were bugged up of having to sit idle till 7.00 in office,God showered His blessing on us by cutting the power at 6.30.So did we escape-me,Mr.V and Mr.Java.Normally we catch a train at thiruvanmiyur at 8.10 but today we had small hope of catching the 7.15 train.Thats a whole lot of saving,almost 1hr more we could spend at home.So did we start our race against time by running to the bus stand.The MTC did not play the spoil sport at least today.A relatively empty bus came to carry us towards our destination.The race had started…time ticking…the bus was roaring at top speed…(well not so ‘top speed’ but we cant expect more than that from MTC).Then the villain-the great SRP signal traffic.The bus was moving slower now.We saw the time it was 7.10 still 5 minutes to go.Mr.Java by this time had planned is ‘plan B’.The plan B was to go in this bus itself to saidapet and catch a train from there.(for the sake of people who dont understand this let me put it simple-plan b was more time consuming than catching the train at 7.15 but its better when compared to waiting in the station for 50 min if we miss the train)

Mr.V’s optimism did not let him to embrace the ‘plan B’ so he stuck to our little hope. We crossed SRP signal.It was 7.13.We never knew whether we would make it on time.By this time Mr.Java being not a risk taker,stuck to his plan B.So Mr.V and me went to the foot board of the bus waiting to plunge down the road.We saw the NIFT building,looked out for some pretty faces but no luck,no one was there tonight.Saw the time it was 7.14 or was it 7.15..i was not able to make out in my analog watch..shit I should have wore a digital watch.

Just then two of them where speaking over in the foot board.They were also very anxious to catch the train at 7.15.One of them spoke over the phone “machan where are you,oh you have reached the station.We are still in bus.will come da.Give me a missed call before the train leaves.”

how will it help these guys.And how come the other person over the phone is supposed to know when to give missed call.He can only give a missed call after the train has left.may be he spoke to the driver

The bus slowed down in the turning we had to jump out and run.I got down first and started walking Mr.V got down next and yelled “ye a****** run da,fast” and started running..i followed him.So here were four of us running towards the station-Mr.V,me and the two fellow foot boarders.Mr V was definitely faster of the four.He was running like Jesse Owens in 100 meter dash.The trouble with life is that there is no background music.I assumed the James Bond theme music to be playing and tried to run fast.The two fellow foot boarders stopped in the entrance of the train itself searching for ticket counter.I was in a dilemma whether to help them find the ticket counter or run behind already meters ahead Mr.V.I looked back to them it was late they already took the wrong route going up some where. Poor chaps you are going to miss the train-hey i was thinking as if i was going to catch one!!.

In half way to the ticket counter did it strike to me that Mr.V has a seasons pass.Its only me who has to take the ticket.I tried to run faster but my heart started beating fast and it was as though it may come out any moment.I stopped.Gave up the race against time.I was seeing Mr.V-he was quite a distant away from me now.He will catch the train but i cant. But Mr.V was running further down the station.i was thinking now what is he doing,he must have gone up the stairs to catch the train.Then did i see Mr.V going towards the ticket counter-he was having the common sense to figure out that i will not be able to make out if i had to buy the ticket myself and the courtesy to buy it for me risking his chance of catching the train.It normally takes quite a effort to get the ticket from the lazy guy in the ticket counter.Mr.V managed to get the ticket from him relatively quick.Now i had to run-i started running towards the stairs to the train above.Mr.V started running towards the escalator near the ticket counter.I was running in the first floor then did the hooter go out.Oh my God-is all these fast action for missing the train.But i kept on running.The last thing you want after all this action is to see the trains back.

I came to the platform.The second hooter went on.The train had started moving.Now where is Mr.V has he got into the train.

Just then Mr.V emerged from the escalator..the escalator has not worked.He had to run in the big steps of escalator.Boy this guy has great stamina.

So did both of us jump into the train,which was now moving faster,simultaneously.The trouble with life,again, is there is no background music or applauses. Mr.V deserved a round of applause from every one in the coach for his smart work.We did not move for a minute trying to slow down the flow of adrenalin.It was a happy moment achieving something that you doubted you will achieve,and left hopes in the middle.

This is was how Thiruvanmiyur station got its first historical run chase in its historical history.

The story is not complete if i did not say a much more happier moment…thats when i messaged Mr.Java that we were inside the train while he was still in the crowded bus.

During my every day travel to my office some 20 km away from home i happen to meet so many kinds of people and so many different funny incidents happen.I would try to cover some of them over here in this category.

To start of with here is a story of a ‘may i help you’ guy, sorry its ‘i will help you’ guy.

Me and Mr.V a colleague of mine whose hobby includes ogling at pretty girls were at the train station at Thiruvanmiyur. Oh did i say pretty girls, its a mistake he ogles at almost any thing that look likes a female.Well that’s understandable when you are a Mechanical Engineer starved of girls in the class.Normally there wont be many people in the station.But today to our surprise we could see many pretty faces.Whats more many were pouring in too.They were all having a baggage or two with them.It was obvious that they were all going to their natives for the Diwali festival.We normally stand in the end of the station so that we could get into the train’s front coach which is very much near to the exit when we get down.I saw a pretty girl speaking over the phone and smiling at me.

me:macha did you see that girl was smiling at me.
Mr V.:yes da i too saw that girl was smiling at you!!
We didn’t notice the villain then.
Mr.V:those four girls seem to be of the same group da.

just then the smiling beauty got up and was walking towards us.She was still over the phone.She suddenly stopped walking towards us and took an U turn .She did this ‘walking toward and walking back’ for sometime.

Mr.V: i think that girl needs some help da…

The group suddenly started picking up the baggage and walked towards the far end of the station. The villain materialized from behind the group.Now did we realize that he has said something to cause this ‘disaster’(i am using Mr.V’s vocabulary).

The pretty girl passed us struggling to carry the baggage on one hand.Since on the other hand she was still over the phone.

Mr.V:May i help you to carry your baggage Mam..

no one heard it except me.(i was thinking how nice it would have been had she heard it i could have watched another comedy happen)
As she passed us we could hear her speak in hindi over the phone.Mr.V suddenly got excited

Mr.V:hey i speak hindi. full tick mark for me.

I had to say something it was me who the girl smiled at.

me:hey even i know hindi…see i can say..”may tumse pyar kartha hoon”

The girl had passed us by that time.
We saw that villain talking to another group of people.

villain:are you going to central?
some one from the group:yes
villain:you should stand in the starting of the platform its easier to go to central from the last coach.As soon as you get down you will have the over head bridge. so its easier if you board the train at the far end.

This group too followed suit. They started moving away from us towards the far end.
The villain did this ‘central?’ ritual to each and everyone.We were wondering what was the motive behind this guys i-will-help-you attitude. I having got interested with this action of this guy, started seeing him constantly perform the ritual.

me: hey did you see only the girls are moving to the far end.The guys are staying back even after hearing the whole reason from this guy.We could generalize the psychology here…most guys have this ‘who are you to say, i will do what i want’ attitude.Most girls are easy to mislead. See they instantly believe whatever this stranger says to them.

We started scolding that guy.

Mr V:This f***er sends all the pretty girls away from us.What are his intentions da?

me:Dunno..If you help if someone comes and asks you where should he/she stand in order to reach central soon its great.But if you go to each and everyone and command them– i don’t know this needs some investigation.

I really wondered do people like this exist.
And ‘the i will help you’ guy was continuously pursuing his mission.